Well It's the day after Thanksgiving. Today is a little better then yesterday. After I got done with my blog last night my kids and bestie came into the dining room where I was and we played Yahtzee for hours. It was very nice to be able to relax and laugh with them without crying. They all know this time of year is hard and I sure know it is hard for them and I try so hard to be strong for them. But at the end of the day they are my reason for getting out of bed each day and pushing myself to move forward. All three of my kids have grown so much. But my oldest has become one of the strongest and sweetest kids I have ever known. He is always checking up on me making sure I am ok and if I'm not he can tell and will ask me what's up mom. I honestly don't where I would be without them. I do hope and pray that I am not letting them down. I want so much for them to be proud of their mom and know that I try my best each and every day for them. I want for them to have everything, and I feel at times I can't give them all they want but damn I try so hard. 

Today is Thanksgiving and I am surrounded by my boyfriend, amazing kids, and my best friend. Why do I feel more alone now then I ever have?? Why do I feel so empty? I have always loved the holidays and since I lost my mom in Oct 2024 I hate everything. I can't seem to find myself and I am losing people that mean so much to me because I can't get back to being myself. Will I ever be the same again? Will I ever be the person I was before losing the best mom ever? She was my rock, my backbone, and my everything. I am just having a very hard time and trying my best to be me and I just can't.  I really feel like my life isn't mine. I don't know who's life this is. Grief is a real thing and it takes time to heal and I understand that but I hate the feeling of it. I feel like it will never get easier. I know with time it will but I omg I want to be myself again. I want to be around people, I want to not cry everytime I think of her, I want to be able to say her name without crying for hours and I want to remember her as the healthy loving mom she was and not the lady I watched die because that hurt is something I don't wish on anyone. 

What is Love?? That is such a loaded question!! Is it having to hide things from the ones you love so they don't get mad at you? Is it pouring your heart and soul into everything you do for the ones you love and never feeling that same energy back? Is it making sure they have everything they need and want all the while you are going without the things you need and want? Or is it giving up and walking away from something you have worked so hard for and loving someone so much that the thought of them not being in your life hurts so much that thinking of that pain brings on even more pain? Do we ever really know what love is? I wake up each day trying my best for the ones I love and I am left at the end of the day feeling so empty.. I don't want to lose the one person I care for so much but is it enough to end each and every day feeling empty? It emptiness the new age of Love?? It can't be. There has to be more. 

Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes, you find yourself needing a little extra cash to cover unexpected expenses. That’s exactly where I found myself when I decided to start delivering with DoorDash. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, but it turned out to be one of the easiest and most flexible ways to make extra money on my own schedule. With just my car, a smartphone, my Bestie and a willingness to hustle, I was able to start earning almost immediately. There’s no clocking in or out; I pick when I want to work, whether it’s for an hour or the whole day. Plus, it feels good knowing that I’m helping people get their meals quickly and conveniently. DoorDash became a reliable way to bridge the gap when bills piled up, and it’s given me financial breathing room without taking over my life. If you’re looking for a way to earn extra income, I’d say give it a shot—you might be surprised how far a few deliveries can go.

It’s tough when you feel like you’re giving your all in a relationship, only for nothing to seem right. You’re trying so hard, yet it feels like every effort you make misses the mark. If you’ve been thinking, “Nothing I do ever seems right lately,” know that you’re not alone. Relationships can be messy, and it’s normal to face moments of doubt and struggle. What matters is that you care enough to try. Take a moment to breathe, reflect, and communicate openly with your partner. Sometimes, the best way forward is through honest conversations and small, intentional actions that show love, trust, and understanding. Progress takes time, and no one gets it perfect all the time. Be kind to yourself—you’re doing your best, and that matters more than you think.